I had to share this:
a terrified subordinate has anonymously informed me that this profile makes me sound "abrasive." why, this couldn't be further (farther?) from the truth! so i say, let's play a game to lighten the mood! three lies and a truth! 1) i was once attacked by a brown grizzly bear while hiding out in the woods with my captors; 2) my birth-mother left me at a fire-station in the middle of the night when i was six-months old; 3) i'm doing 100 push-ups a night so i can upgrade my body-type from "about average" to "athletic and toned"; 4) clint eastwood once gave me a dirty look for leering at his beautiful wife. ok. now take a minute...ok. number four is the truth! now, for the "abrasive" profile: i'm sort of moody but also pleasant and happy a lot and i can't really tan :( i don't know how to cook but i love french toast at denny's. i don't eat homemade food because i think people's kitchens are dirty---cats in the kitchen and stuff. i like the new york times. i don't like the summer and i don't really like the winter. i love october though. i also like hansen's energy drinks and banana republic although i can't really afford it :/ i don't like dateline's stone phillips. i like the news hour with jim lehrer and i like charlie rose. i don't like happy, feel-good movies. the commercials on UPN/CW during the day depress me. i am skeptical of people who call into morning radio shows and share details of their mundane lives with the 25 year-old DJ. i'm lonely too but i talk to MYSELF. i think i may have suffered a minor stroke tonight in the grocery store parking lot. except last month i was convinced that i had glaucoma and that self-diagnosis turned out to be wrong. i think i spelled "diagnosis" incorrectly? bad weather on the weekend makes me smile. i just totally can't handle ants in the kitchen or hair in food. i like strawberry margaritas but i'm not secure enough to order them. i don't like to share my dessert. slow walkers infuriate me. basically, as big-L put it, "i'm so ahead of my time my parents haven't met yet."
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