I had to share this:
a terrified subordinate has anonymously informed me that this profile makes me sound "abrasive." why, this couldn't be further (farther?) from the truth! so i say, let's play a game to lighten the mood! three lies and a truth! 1) i was once attacked by a brown grizzly bear while hiding out in the woods with my captors; 2) my birth-mother left me at a fire-station in the middle of the night when i was six-months old; 3) i'm doing 100 push-ups a night so i can upgrade my body-type from "about average" to "athletic and toned"; 4) clint eastwood once gave me a dirty look for leering at his beautiful wife. ok. now take a minute...ok. number four is the truth! now, for the "abrasive" profile: i'm sort of moody but also pleasant and happy a lot and i can't really tan :( i don't know how to cook but i love french toast at denny's. i don't eat homemade food because i think people's kitchens are dirty---cats in the kitchen and stuff. i like the new york times. i don't like the summer and i don't really like the winter. i love october though. i also like hansen's energy drinks and banana republic although i can't really afford it :/ i don't like dateline's stone phillips. i like the news hour with jim lehrer and i like charlie rose. i don't like happy, feel-good movies. the commercials on UPN/CW during the day depress me. i am skeptical of people who call into morning radio shows and share details of their mundane lives with the 25 year-old DJ. i'm lonely too but i talk to MYSELF. i think i may have suffered a minor stroke tonight in the grocery store parking lot. except last month i was convinced that i had glaucoma and that self-diagnosis turned out to be wrong. i think i spelled "diagnosis" incorrectly? bad weather on the weekend makes me smile. i just totally can't handle ants in the kitchen or hair in food. i like strawberry margaritas but i'm not secure enough to order them. i don't like to share my dessert. slow walkers infuriate me. basically, as big-L put it, "i'm so ahead of my time my parents haven't met yet."
Wednesday, June 3, 2009
I bang the worst dudes
That title isn't referring to me, but to the site I've linked to on the right.
Here are some of my favorite snippets so far. Why are these women so pathetic???
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I met this 21 year-old virgin on a scenester dating site. We got together a few times, and he refused any form of PDA, including hand-holding. I let him buy me dinner and take me to museums in the city. Often we’d be walking and he would push me into a pile of trash on the sidewalk and laugh. Aw, how romantic! The first time I blowing him he got really paranoid and screamed that he was not going to have sex with me. As I made my way down his very pierced body, I was in shock at what I found in his pants. He had his asshole pierced. How this was even possible is beyond me, but he loved for it to be tugged on. Things ended after a few months when he started not fucking another girl.
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I was 18 and very intoxicated. He was 28, attractive, and feeding me more drugs/alcohol. The next day I was discussing the crazy “dream” I thought I had had when my friend confirmed that it was not a dream: he had filmed us having sex. Needless to say I don’t really remember the details. A few nights later he showed up in a suit knocking on my window. It was 2 am on Christmas Eve. Really?
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Up until this point I had never had a one night stand but after having a few exchanges with a guy who works at a bar I frequent, I decided to text him. We met up at a bar where he claimed he was too broke to buy me a drink but nonetheless I brought him back to my place where instead of foreplay, my hair was pretty much ripped out of my head while being enveloped in some strange embrace that only he found sexy. Afterward he showed off a horrifying tattoo of a vagina on his body, which looked more like chewed gum (artistic interpretation?) and we proceeded to have the most unsatisfying sex of my life.
Here are some of my favorite snippets so far. Why are these women so pathetic???
------
I met this 21 year-old virgin on a scenester dating site. We got together a few times, and he refused any form of PDA, including hand-holding. I let him buy me dinner and take me to museums in the city. Often we’d be walking and he would push me into a pile of trash on the sidewalk and laugh. Aw, how romantic! The first time I blowing him he got really paranoid and screamed that he was not going to have sex with me. As I made my way down his very pierced body, I was in shock at what I found in his pants. He had his asshole pierced. How this was even possible is beyond me, but he loved for it to be tugged on. Things ended after a few months when he started not fucking another girl.
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I was 18 and very intoxicated. He was 28, attractive, and feeding me more drugs/alcohol. The next day I was discussing the crazy “dream” I thought I had had when my friend confirmed that it was not a dream: he had filmed us having sex. Needless to say I don’t really remember the details. A few nights later he showed up in a suit knocking on my window. It was 2 am on Christmas Eve. Really?
-------
Up until this point I had never had a one night stand but after having a few exchanges with a guy who works at a bar I frequent, I decided to text him. We met up at a bar where he claimed he was too broke to buy me a drink but nonetheless I brought him back to my place where instead of foreplay, my hair was pretty much ripped out of my head while being enveloped in some strange embrace that only he found sexy. Afterward he showed off a horrifying tattoo of a vagina on his body, which looked more like chewed gum (artistic interpretation?) and we proceeded to have the most unsatisfying sex of my life.
Request for Tour Guide
Yeah, sure, I'm so devoid of friends that I want to hang out with some random dude that's not even interested in dating. Honestly???
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Hello my name is Robert and I am on assignment in Maryland for the next 2 months. I am 33 SWM looking for someone to hangout with. I am not just looking to hook up for a one night stand. I am not concerned with sex, just looking for someone to take in the local sights. I want to visit DC, Baltimore and NYC on the weekends. If you would like to hangout sometime reply with a picture. I will send you a picture when you email me. CL only allows for 150KB message, so I cannot send you a picture.
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Hello my name is Robert and I am on assignment in Maryland for the next 2 months. I am 33 SWM looking for someone to hangout with. I am not just looking to hook up for a one night stand. I am not concerned with sex, just looking for someone to take in the local sights. I want to visit DC, Baltimore and NYC on the weekends. If you would like to hangout sometime reply with a picture. I will send you a picture when you email me. CL only allows for 150KB message, so I cannot send you a picture.
Nascar Outlaw
I enjoyed receiving this:
nascaroutlaw@sprint.blackberry.net
TmljZSBhZCBoYXZlIGEgc3dlZXQgZGF5DQpEb24NClNlbnQgb24gdGhlIE5vdyBOZXR3b3JrmSBm
cm9tIG15IFNwcmludMKuIEJsYWNrQmVycnk=
nascaroutlaw@sprint.blackberry.net
TmljZSBhZCBoYXZlIGEgc3dlZXQgZGF5DQpEb24NClNlbnQgb24gdGhlIE5vdyBOZXR3b3JrmSBm
cm9tIG15IFNwcmludMKuIEJsYWNrQmVycnk=
The Scruffster
Scruffy Love
to pers-7ydgc-119.
i am 20 5'9 135 d&d free hit me back if your interested
Tuesday, June 2, 2009
Joe Zovak aka Fakin'
Seems "Joey Fun" has nothing better to do but to email me the same ugly photo of himself from his cell phone over and over again. It's good to know he gets about 7 hours of shut eye in between spams...
If anyone would like to 'contact' Joey, you can reach him on his blackberry at
4108774407@vzwpix.com
jzovak@hotmail.com
If anyone would like to 'contact' Joey, you can reach him on his blackberry at
4108774407@vzwpix.com
jzovak@hotmail.com
More fun with sex site pushers!
Do people really fall for this shit??
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hey i read ur ad and was interested, we should hookup sometime, my names holley heres a pic of me http://lilurl.org/m98490 my inbox is full so the only way you can email me back is to email me at holley.brenda1186@gmail.com hope 2 hear from u
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i know you, and you know me. it sounds kinda freaky, i know. please do not be scared. but i've had my eye on you for awhile now. i made this fake e-mail to talk to you. whenever i see you i get too nervous to say anything. what i'm really trying to say is...i think you're great. i watch how you carry yourself and i have this really big crush on you! i think this is the only way i can show what i really feel about you. i have a profile on linkdater.com just search my username "lucky09". you'll know who i am when you see the pictures. if you're not interested in me, i completely understand. i'll just leave it be. but if you are interested, then please let me know cause it's killing me! just promise me next time we do see each other that it won't be awkward. PLEASE let me know...
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hey i read ur ad and was interested, we should hookup sometime, my names holley heres a pic of me http://lilurl.org/m98490 my inbox is full so the only way you can email me back is to email me at holley.brenda1186@gmail.com hope 2 hear from u
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i know you, and you know me. it sounds kinda freaky, i know. please do not be scared. but i've had my eye on you for awhile now. i made this fake e-mail to talk to you. whenever i see you i get too nervous to say anything. what i'm really trying to say is...i think you're great. i watch how you carry yourself and i have this really big crush on you! i think this is the only way i can show what i really feel about you. i have a profile on linkdater.com just search my username "lucky09". you'll know who i am when you see the pictures. if you're not interested in me, i completely understand. i'll just leave it be. but if you are interested, then please let me know cause it's killing me! just promise me next time we do see each other that it won't be awkward. PLEASE let me know...
Monday, June 1, 2009
Black Stud here...
aww...no penis pic!
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black college stud here,wanna know what you look like.
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black college stud here,wanna know what you look like.
Fakin' is the PENIS GUY!!!
Someone, please...I beg you...suggest something fun for me to do with this one! He's emailed me 3 times today.
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joe zovak
to pers-7ydgc-119.
U get pic
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Hmm, apparently he is the penis guy. He sent me this pic - look familiar???
So, fakin #1 and fakin #2 are the same. I'm not sure where the face of the old guy came from...but this is entertaining!
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joe zovak
to pers-7ydgc-119.
U get pic
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Hmm, apparently he is the penis guy. He sent me this pic - look familiar???
So, fakin #1 and fakin #2 are the same. I'm not sure where the face of the old guy came from...but this is entertaining!
Fakin' strikes again!
joe zovak
to pers-7ydgc-119.
Mmmm rally
Sent from my Verizon Wireless BlackBerry
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Please feel free to email him with useless banter. I think he clearly needs to receive some human e-contact.
jzovak@hotmail.com
to pers-7ydgc-119.
Mmmm rally
Sent from my Verizon Wireless BlackBerry
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Please feel free to email him with useless banter. I think he clearly needs to receive some human e-contact.
jzovak@hotmail.com
Flattery...will get you nowhere when it's e-flattery!
hi beautiful wow you look so amazing you have to be an angel your profile makes you seem so perfect mmmmm :) anyman that is lucky enough to win your heart forever could never ask for anything else in this world your beautiful, just wish it could be me Brian :)
HAHA. I wonder how many girls he sends that line to?
HAHA. I wonder how many girls he sends that line to?
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